My 11 month long journey is ending soon. I’d like to write about closure. How is it possible to end such an experience? I have to gain perspective, I have to have an inventory of all the things that happened with me, in me, around me.
Let’s start at the beginning. I finished my university diploma in June and I could finally start my volunteering journey. My first stop was Denmark for 3 months and then I found Vrábsko, originally the project would last 2 months, but we already spoke about the possibility to extend further if things go well and I am a good fit.
Now let’s explore my motivation for starting this journey. I never felt that anything I did was truly my choice, most of the things came from social pressure and the expectations of my parents. So when I decided I wanted to travel, it felt like i’m just starting my life, it was the first step towards myself.
I arrived to Vrábsko on October 11, already on the first day I’ve got to meet everyone in the community and Zuzia, my volunteering partner, and on top of everything a democratic school was visiting as well. I just emerged myself in the experience of course with a bit of shyness, but I’ve felt extremely welcomed, everyone was warm and kind. We had dinner together and it was so lively with a very homely atmosphere. Even though I didn’t understand half of the conversation because many people spoke Czech, I felt I’ve arrived to a very good place.
The first month was mostly about adjusting, exploring and learning about the way of life here. In the second month I already felt a bit settled, but still not having the feeling of home. I had the feeling of being a bit of an outsider. Later I realized that this feeling is mostly surfacing in me, when I’m not sharing my inner truth, when I’m holding back from showing myself fully. So I let my guard down a bit and started sharing more of my inner struggles, my true experience, emotions both positive and negative.
Then I went home for Christmas and I had the best and worst time possible. I went with the intention to have a deep connection with my mom, sisters and my dad, and it happened. But at the same time meeting my extended family, and having to have a Christmas celebration with them was pure hell. In Vrábsko I got used to people being present and vulnerable, open and sensitive and I was faced with all these people not paying any attention to each other even though we gathered to reunite as a family. I was devastated, angry and sad, that I have to sit there and be a witness to all of this. I was happy to come back to Vrábsko, and I felt that I arrived back home, to the place I belong, I felt a sense of relief.
The winter months were very beautiful here, with snow and silence, everyone turning inwards. It was a time for true depth. On the weekly sharing circles I could open up more and more and be really raw and honest about what is going on inside of me, what I’m suffering with. I also took part in my first monthly circle of the community, I felt that they’ve let me a bit closer. My relationship with the people around me started to deepen.
In the spring time I made the decision to visit home again, 5 months have passed since Christmas. When I arrived I could feel that I’m no longer going home, I’m just a visitor. But I enjoyed the time with my parents, I got some feedback about the changes that they see in me and it was very valuable to hear. Because many times I doubted if I made progress since I started my journey. One reason for my visit was to tell my family that I’m planning to stay in the Czech Republic, Vrábsko, because I don’t see myself going back to Hungary.
Spring was also a time of preparation for the team volunteers coming and the festival, the focus was more on the practical things. Another important event was that Zuzia, my volunteer partner left, and a new girl arrived: Diana. So we had to adjust to each other, how we can coexist in our little room and how we spit tasks. With every new person I feel that I become a bit cautious and I’m “hiding” in a sense. But with time I get comfortable with them and I can be my full authentic self and maybe every time it goes a bit faster.
In June team volunteers arrived and the 3 crazy weeks started, including the festival. It was fun, messy and energy demanding, so many social interactions compared to the usual amount. But it’s also the summer time, swimming naked in the lake instead of showering, being outside all the time and collecting seasonal fruits and berries. It is a very nurturing time for both soul and body.
The most important thing about my volunteering is the connection to all the people around me, because I just learn by being around them and spending time with them. The second important thing is that I’m in nature, connected with the elements, being exposed to them in every season. The third thing is music, people sing a lot here, and it has a lot of benefits: its a tool to express emotions, to connect with each other, to ourselves or even to higher frequencies. For me music is also a tool for self soothing and to bring myself back to the present moment. Here I really learned that I don’t need much for being happy in my life, simplicity has great potential.
Since I’m not leaving Vrábsko, the challenge is not to say goodbye but to find myself in the new role of being “only” an inhabitant. Because being a volunteer is about contributing to someone else’s project with your time and energy and however I enjoy working here I feel that it’s time for me to work on things that are my own and here it is a fertile soil for me to explore that. So My plan is to walk the El Camino de Santiago in Spain in September and then come back to Vrábsko and start my life here.