Eight months in Vrábsko. I just came back from visiting my family in Hungary. I spent one week there, and then I was happy to come back. I feel at home here. I like the people and the closeness of nature. The possibility to constantly develop and learn practical things. I’m at a phase in my life where I finally feel free from social pressure. It’s up to me what I want to do. So I decided to stay here because it feels right, it’s as simple as that.
I’m making a lot of personal progress, and a big part of that is thanks to the people that are around me because they inspire me to walk the road of self-development.
I’m much more calm, even my mom complimented me on this, and she said that I’ve even gotten calmer since Christmas. This is a result of both conscious and unconscious effort. I used to do everything by stressing myself from the inside to do it quickly, efficiently, and with a perfect outcome. So I allowed myself to not rush. Sometimes I even did things much slower, and it was a real challenge, sometimes it still is.
I’m better at speaking up for myself. I was always good at speaking up for others, but somehow I put myself at the bottom of my priority list. This is the reason I also felt inferior in most of my relationships, and this created a lot of frustration in me towards myself and the other person, but I usually suppressed it.
I’m paying attention to the feeling of discomfort in me. If I no longer feel good in a situation, I don’t pressure myself to stay. This way, I’m developing my self-respect and self-love, which are big topics for me. Because of my early programming, I always believed I had to work hard and behave well to receive love and respect.
I’m learning to love my body. To focus on giving it what it needs. If I listen to my body and satisfy the need, I’m no longer thinking about food all the time. What a magical solution! I just have to eat enough. It sounds strange, but in reality, it’s truly revolutionary. Another thing that helps me is to wear clothes that I’m comfortable in. I have to accept the fact that oversized clothes just give me a sense of safety.
I’m learning to cry without fear of expressing my emotions. Since my teenagehood I have almost always hid in my room and cried alone. I only expressed my sadness through words, but I never allowed myself to go into the emotions. But here I feel listened to so deeply that emotions just come through in their various expressions naturally. And I also feel safe here. So, after long years of constant worry, what happens if I let my true self show? – Nothing happens, people accept it. It should be the only way, everyone being their authentic selves. It is very freeing, but of course, old habits fade slowly.
I’m letting myself dream big. Lack of self-expression, suppression of emotions, and fear of judgment from others while constantly judging myself lead to little to no dreaming about the future. It’s only trying to please others and live up to their expectations (khm..my idea of their expectations..). I feel these weights are slowly falling down, and I’m able to really think for myself, what do I want? So now I’m searching for my true dreams. I’m discovering what I really want.
For me, Vrábsko is the perfect place to search for these dreams and to enjoy life with all its challenges. A lot of things are happening at the moment. We are organizing a festival and expecting 10 volunteers to help us with the preparations. So I have plenty to do, but it’s always my priority to take time for myself and for the things I enjoy doing.